Her Voice of Reason Page 10

“You were right. I learned to appreciate your company even though I hated you before.”

  “Hated me?” He was visibly surprised. “Are you not exaggerating? I agree that you did not know me well before our engagement, but hatred is too strong a word.”

  “I am certainly not exaggerating. You ruined Jane’s chances with Mr. Bingley. She loved him truly and deeply. You convinced him to abandon her. It broke her heart. You kept her presence in London last winter a secret from him. How could I like the man who ruined the happiness of my most beloved sister?”

  He stared at her but as if he was not seeing her, his eyes unfocused.

  “Do you deny it?”

  He shook his head. “I do not. I did everything in my power to separate them and I rejoiced in my success,” he answered flatly. “Towards him I have been kinder than towards myself.”

  Elizabeth would have spoken no more, but his words rose her anger anew.

  “It is not all. Your pride and your disdain for the feelings of others made me dislike you from the first moments of my acquaintance. I had known you for a mere week before I was quite certain that you were the last man in the world that I could ever marry.”

  “The last man... it is unfortunate indeed that you did marry me after all.”

  She looked down.

  “Even more unfortunate for me. I was a fool who imagined that your feelings were growing with every day, that you were happy with me,” he added quietly.

  “I never enjoyed deceiving you, Mr. Darcy.”

  He stiffened at hearing his surname. “I am Mr. Darcy now. When I loved you every night, did you call me Mr. Darcy as well in your thoughts?”

  “No, I did not.”

  Darcy walked away from her, his pained laughter filling the room. “What a fool I was. What an utter fool.”

  After a moment his amusement came to end and he spoke to her in a well-measured tone, hiding in the shadows of the library. “Coleman will not bother you anymore. You have my word on that. Taking everything into consideration, I do believe that you indeed were faithful to me and that the situation with the physician was more the result of your naivety than anything else.”

  “Thank you,” she said. She felt a heavy weight leaving her chest. At least that was resolved.

  “I do also believe that for the time being it would be most prudent if we kept separate rooms. I would not wish to impose my presence on you like I did before.” His voice was less assured now, breaking. He stood with his back to her; she could not see his face. He was gone from the library faster than she could answer him.

  Chapter Eleven

  “Is everything prepared as you wished it to be?” Mrs. Reynolds asked as Elizabeth walked around the pale blue guest room.

  “It is excellent, Mrs. Reynolds,” Elizabeth assured the housekeeper. “I am certain that my aunt and uncle shall be very comfortable here. The flowers are especially beautiful.”

  “For the last two months we have had more guests at Pemberley than for the previous fifteen years. I knew that a young mistress would make this old house alive again,” the older woman commented, smiling at Elizabeth.

  Elizabeth smiled back. Mrs. Reynolds had not only accepted and welcomed her with open arms. The woman meant much more to Darcy than he would have ever acknowledged openly. From what Elizabeth had heard about Lady Anne, she had been ill most of her life. Mrs. Reynolds must have been more of a mother to the young Darcys than just a housekeeper.

  “Mrs. Reynolds, do you know where Mr. Darcy is?” Elizabeth asked, her tone innocent.

  The housekeeper had to be surprised with such a question, as Elizabeth had never before asked about her husband’s whereabouts. Darcy had always informed her about his plans. She always knew where her husband was and what he was doing, at least until the unfortunate day when Mr. Coleman had decided to uncover his true intentions.

  “I believe that he is at the stables, training the new horse. I overheard him telling the butler not to admit any visitors today and to send everyone coming with urgent matters to the steward.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Reynolds. Mr. Darcy left quite early in the morning and he had no opportunity to inform me about his plans.”

  Mrs. Reynolds nodded in understanding. Darcy had always been formal and proper when addressing Elizabeth in front of the servants. Elizabeth could only hope that the servants were unaware of the worsened relations between Darcy and her.

  ***

  Elizabeth left the house, walking in the direction of the stables. Since yesterday Darcy had barely spoken a few words to her and it was only in the company of Georgiana. She felt that they had to talk before the Gardiners arrival. He could not ignore her in front of the servants. He had to acknowledge her presence. There were always many people working around the horses.

  She could see him from afar as he tried to saddle the young stallion, which rebelled against the harness. He was dressed in a white shirt, beige breeches and tall boots, his hair in disarray, blown away by the wind.

  She was right behind him but he still acted as if he was not aware of her presence. Even though she disliked large horses, she stepped quite close to the animal.

  At last his eyes rested on her. “Mrs. Darcy,” he greeted her quietly.

  “I need to speak with you, Fitzwilliam.”

  He looked away from her. “Not Mr. Darcy?”

  “Please. I ask for a few minutes of your time.”

  After a moment of hesitation, he called for a stable boy to take the horse.

  “Very well,” he said, offering her his arm. “Let us take a stroll.”

  They walked for a while across the lawn towards the lake.

  “I would like to thank you for inviting the Gardiners to Pemberley,” she began. “I appreciate your thoughtfulness.”

  He stopped in place, looking down at her. “I decided to inform you about their arrival prior so you would not feel the need to thank me in front of them. I think that it would be embarrassing for both of us. I do not wish for any more forced attention from you.”

  “My thanks are not forced,” she assured, staring directly into his eyes.

  He viewed her shrewdly for the longest moment. “Very well. Let us put it to rest. You thanked me and I accept your gratitude. It is indeed fortunate that you asked me for this conversation, as there is another matter I wish to discuss with you. I wish to defend myself against the accusation laid on my door by you concerning your sister and Bingley.”

  Elizabeth squared her shoulders. “I am listening.” She was quite surprised that he decided to return to that matter. She did not believe that he could defend his actions in a way that could convince her, nevertheless she was curious of what she would hear from him.

  With his hands clasped behind him, he stepped away from her, staring at Pemberley. When he began to speak, his tone was calm and devoid of any feeling. “I have known Bingley for most of my life, but we have became closer after his father’s death. Our fathers were business partners. My own father held the late Mr. Bingley in high esteem as a hardworking, decent and clever man even though his origins were very modest. I felt responsible for Bingley when at a young age he inherited such a grand fortune. Moreover, I felt drawn to his openness and sincerity, his easy manners. His personality was the exact opposite to mine, but I was never bored with his company. His at times simplistic view of the world and people amused me but also made me feel protective of him. I never wished for him to take an interest in Netherfield, but I did not oppose it openly, as I thought that he should make his own decisions. I did talk him into a yearlong lease instead of buying immediately, which he initially planned to do. On coming to Meryton, the neighbourhood and people we found there were not to my taste, but you are already aware of that. Early on I noticed Bingley’s interest in your sister. I thought nothing of it, though, as my friend had showed an affinity to pretty faces before and many times with no true consequences. After a few weeks, though, I noticed that he was becoming unusually involved with her. I watched them int
eracting together, but your sister, though polite and enjoying his attention, lacked the depth of feelings towards him. I did not wish for him to become prey to a scheming Mama and a fortune hunter. I convinced Bingley that your sister did not love him.”

  “You did not inform him that she was in London, attempting to see him,” she more stated than asked.

  “I did my very best to hide her presence from him.”

  “Jane loved Mr. Bingley. His departure and later refusal to see her broke her heart. Jane is modest and shy. She would have never showed too much of an interest to a man who has not declared himself.”

  “Then I am very sorry to hear that your sister was hurt by my actions,” he said, his tone one of genuine regret. “I have always liked Jane. Her manners are excellent. She is a kind and sensible woman, very beautiful on the outside and inside. I have never denied it. I will write to Bingley, explaining my mistake to him.”

  Elizabeth gazed at him with hope. Would he truly write to his friend? Was there a possibility that Jane and Mr. Bingley would be given another chance?

  “Is there something else you wish to discuss with me?” Darcy asked.

  When she did not answer immediately, he bowed his head. “I will see you at dinner time.” With those words he bowed his head and walked away.

  Elizabeth stood where he left her, looking after him as he returned to his horses. He did not glance back even once. Slowly she turned on her heel and strolled down to the house.

  ***

  Darcy had indeed informed his wife about the arrival of her relatives. However, he forgot to mention that they would be accompanied by all their four children. Elizabeth had not thought to ask Mrs. Reynolds to prepare the nursery. She was certain that the children were to be left at Longbourn under the attentive care of their nanny and Jane, who adored them.

  When she saw little ones clambering out of the carriage she immediately started to think where they should put all of them. There had plenty of guestrooms, there was an entire part of the house devoted to them, but they were appropriate for adults. As the guests went into the drawing room for refreshments, Elizabeth stayed behind with Mrs. Reynolds to discuss where to put the unexpected guests. They quickly decided that the two elder children would be located in a separate bedroom, sleeping in one bed, which was large enough to comfortably host both of them. As for Thomas and Marigold, who were respectively four and two years old, they would be put together with the nanny in another room. Mrs. Reynolds proposed that old children’s beds should be brought from storage, the ones that Georgiana and Darcy slept in once.

  Elizabeth expected Darcy to make himself scarce during the visit of the Gardiners. She was pleasantly surprised. Darcy not only went fishing with Mr. Gardiner, showing him the best spots, he also enjoyed discussing with Mrs. Gardiner her charity work. Moreover, he borrowed a pony from neighbours whose children were too old to ride it so that Marigold and Thomas could enjoy it.

  One beautiful afternoon Elizabeth had the pleasure of her aunt’s company as just the two of them had a picnic on a hillside. Both women were pleased with the opportunity to converse freely without the company of children and husbands.

  “We stopped at Longbourn for a day on our way here,” Mrs. Gardiner mentioned.

  “You did? How was Papa?”

  “He was well. I did not see much change in him in comparison to the last time we saw him in December.”

  Elizabeth reached for a piece of fruit from the basket. “I feel very much relieved with such observations on your part. I begin to believe that he will recover fully.”

  “Lizzy, there is something I must tell you. You may not be pleased hearing it.”

  Elizabeth stopped chewing the piece of orange. She swallowed quickly then said. “I am listening.”

  “The day before our departure from London I spoke to Mr. Greenwood.”

  “About Papa?”

  Mrs. Gardiner nodded. “I told him about the sudden improvement in Mr. Bennet’s condition over the last few months.”

  “And? What did he say?”

  The older woman sighed. “Unfortunately, he seems quite sure that his initial diagnosis was correct. He thinks that the recovery is only temporary and that the illness shall return again with a vengeance.”

  Elizabeth shook her head. “I refuse to believe it,” she spoke firmly.

  Mrs. Gardiner covered her hand with hers. “It is excellent, Lizzy. You should hope for the best. Perhaps I should not have told you what I heard from Mr. Greenwood?”

  “No, you were right to tell me. I wish to know, even the worst of news,” she answered quietly.

  Mrs. Gardiner smiled brightly. “Now, let us change the subject. I can see that you are quite settled here as the mistress of Pemberley.”

  Elizabeth looked down at the house and the lakes. “It is a most beautiful place.”

  “It certainly is,” her aunt agreed. “I can safely assume that you have no regrets then over your decision to become Mrs. Darcy despite the less than ideal circumstances of your engagement.”

  Elizabeth hesitated before answering. “I was convinced that I would be unhappy here, but it is not the case.”

  “I am truly pleased for you, Elizabeth. I worried so much about you.”

  “Not everything is perfect, though. I made Mr. Darcy unhappy.”

  Mrs. Gardiner’s eyes grew wide with astonishment. “How can you say such a thing, Lizzy? From what I observed during these four days of our stay here, Mr. Darcy does not seem unhappy, not in the least. He is still reserved, perhaps, but it is in his nature. In time he would become animated.”

  “Oh, Aunt,” Elizabeth half moaned. “You do not know what happened just before your arrival. I ruined everything with my foolishness and naivety.” In short words Elizabeth spoke about her adventure with the amorous Mr. Coleman and the consequences of it.

  “Mr. Darcy knows the entire truth, then,” Mrs. Gardiner mused.

  “He does.”

  “It is good that you do not keep secrets from him anymore.”

  “He will never forgive me,” Elizabeth fretted.

  “Everything will resolve itself in due time. I assure you.”

  “I fear that you are much too optimistic, dear Aunt.”

  “I lived longer. At your age people are much more dramatic than at mine. I refuse to believe that Mr. Darcy regrets his marriage to you.”

  “He barely speaks to me. He avoids my company.”

  “This will change, but you need to be patient, Elizabeth. Time will heal everything.”

  A shriek of childish delight came from below the hill. Mrs. Gardiner smiled at her two youngest children, Marigold and Thomas, who played with Darcy. Marigold was settled on his shoulders, her chubby little fingers holding onto his ears while four-year-old Thomas ran after the dogs.

  “Mr. Darcy enjoys children,” Mrs. Gardiner observed, glancing at Elizabeth from the corner of her eye. “He insisted that we should bring them here with us although our initial thought was to leave them at Longbourn, as Jane offered to look after them.”

  When Elizabeth said nothing to that remark, the elder woman continued, “He will be an excellent father one day. From what I hear, he raised his sister almost singlehandedly. Georgiana is exactly what a young lady should be. Perhaps a bit shy, but it should pass with time and experience.”

  Elizabeth nodded. “Her only fault is her own lack of confidence.”

  “Will you not agree with me that a child may improve your relations?”

  “I am not with child,” she spoke with certainty granted by the fact that her monthly courses had just ended. “Mr. Darcy slept separately since that unfortunate day when I went to see Mr. Coleman.”

  “That was very foolish of you, Elizabeth, to go to see that man alone,” Mrs. Gardiner spoke sternly. “You risked everything that day, your marriage, your future and your good name.”

  “You are perfectly correct, Aunt. To my defence, I was thinking about Papa. I would have never guessed that Mr
. Coleman could have this kind of interest in me.”

  “You should be thankful that your husband believed you. It is wise that you confessed this incident to him the same day it happened. Have you seen the physician since then?”

  “No, I have not. Mr. Darcy informed me that Mr. Coleman would return to Scotland before the beginning of October. I avoid going past the hospital while I am in the village. I hope not to see him anymore.”

  Half an hour later Elizabeth and Mrs. Gardiner were walking down the hill, returning to the house. The servants were stepping closely behind them carrying the picnic remnants.

  The older woman leaned towards her niece, whispering into her ear, “I do not believe that it will be long before Mr. Darcy pays you a visit in your bedroom.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Elizabeth’s aunt, Mrs. Gardiner, was rarely incorrect in her assumptions. Quite late in the evening the following day after their picnic, Elizabeth was sitting cross-legged in bed reading a letter from Charlotte Collins when there was a knock on the door.

  Darcy walked in, dressed properly in his nightclothes, his velvet robe, and a long shirt.

  Elizabeth’s eyes froze on his tall frame as he came to stand next to the bed.

  “You are not asleep,” he stated.

  “I am reading a letter from Mrs. Collins. It came today, but so far I have not had time to look at it.”

  “Any interesting news from Rosings Park?”

  “Charlotte is of opinion that your aunt is on her way to acknowledge our marriage and the fact that her daughter will never become the mistress of Pemberley. She is still very much upset, but Mr. Collins keeps her company for long hours every day with devotion, listening to her rants.”

  Darcy sat down by the edge of the bed. “I do not believe that Mrs. Collins minds her husband’s absence very much.”

  “She does not mind it at all. She is most pleased to keep her own company at her own home. Her future is secured. It was of the most importance to her.”

  “And for you?”

  “You may not believe it, but I never thought about securing my future the way Charlotte did. I rather thought that I would live with Jane, who as the most beautiful would make a good match.”